Brotherhood in Islam

If you wish to overcome your opponent, respond to his wrongdoing with goodness. If you answer evil with evil, hostility will only increase. Even if he appears outwardly defeated, he will continue to harbour resentment in his heart and persist in his hostility. But if you respond with kindness, he will come to regret his actions and may ultimately become your friend. According to the principle:

اِذَۤا اَنْتَ اَكْرَمْتَ الْكَرِيمَ مَلَكْتَهُ ۞ وَاِنْ اَنْتَ اَكْرَمْتَ اللَّئِيمَ تَمَرَّدًا

it is the nature of a believer to be noble. By showing him kindness, you will win him over. Even if he appears outwardly ignoble, with respect to his faith he possesses nobility. Indeed, it often happens that a bad person improves when you repeatedly tell him, “You are good, you are good,” while a good person may deteriorate when you repeatedly tell him, “You are bad, you are bad.”

Since this is so, heed the following sacred principles of the Koran, which are sources of happiness and peace:

وَاِذَا مَرُّوا بِاللَّغْوِ مَرُّوا كِرَامًا

وَاِنْ تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَاِنَّ اللّٰهَ غَفُورٌ رَحٖيمٌ

The Fourth Principle

Those who harbour hatred and enmity wrong themselves, their believing brothers, and the divine mercy. For through hatred and enmity they subject themselves to painful torment. By grieving over the blessings bestowed upon those they oppose, and by suffering from the fear of the harm they imagine may come from them, they inflict injustice upon themselves.

If enmity arises from jealousy, then it is nothing but torment. For jealousy first oppresses, consumes, and destroys the jealous person himself, while the one who is envied suffers little or no harm from it.

The cure for jealousy: let the jealous person reflect for a moment on where jealousy ultimately leads. He will realize that his rival’s worldly beauty, power, status, and wealth are all fleeting and temporary. Their benefits are slight, while their burdens are great. As for qualities related to the Hereafter, they are not proper objects of jealousy at all. If he nevertheless envies someone for such qualities, then either he is a hypocrite who wishes to squander the treasures of the Hereafter in this worldly life, or he regards the one he envies as a hypocrite and thereby wrongs him through unjust suspicion.

By taking pleasure in the misfortunes that befall his rival and grieving over the blessings bestowed upon him, he becomes resentful of divine decree and the divine mercy shown to the other person. It is as though he criticizes divine decree and objects to His mercy. Whoever criticizes divine decree only brings misery upon himself, and whoever objects to His mercy deprives himself of that mercy.

What fair-minded and just person would consider it acceptable to harbour hatred and enmity for an entire year over something that is not worth even a single day of hostility? What sound conscience could approve of such behaviour? Indeed, you cannot hold your believing brother entirely responsible for a wrong that has befallen you and condemn him for it. First of all, divine decree has a share in the matter, and you should respond to that share with contentment and acceptance. Secondly, you should distinguish the share of the nafs and Satan, and rather than treating that person with hostility, feel compassion for him because he has been overcome by his nafs-i ammāra, while hoping that he will repent. Thirdly, you should recognize your own faults—those you do not see or do not wish to see—and assign to them their share of the blame.