The Fifteenth Hope

Once, when I was compelled to reside in EmirdağA town and district in Afyonkarahisar Province, western Turkey. It holds particular significance in the life of Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, who lived there under government surveillance and continued guiding his students and spreading the Risale-i Nur., utterly alone, almost as though in solitary confinement, the oppressive surveillance to which I was subjected caused me such anguish that I grew weary of life and even regretted my release from prison.

With all my heart, I longed to return to DenizliA city and province in southwestern Turkey. It holds special significance in the life of Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, who was imprisoned there with many of his students from 1943 to 1944 because of their activities involving the Risale-i Nur. Prison and even wished for the grave, saying, “Prison and the grave are preferable to a life under such conditions.”

Just as I was on the point of deciding whether to return to prison or enter the grave, Divine assistance came to my aid. The students of the MadrasaAn Islamic educational institution where students study religious sciences such as the Qur’an, hadith, Islamic jurisprudence (fiqh), and Arabic, sometimes alongside other subjects. al-Zahrā, whose pens had until then served in place of duplicating machines, acquired one of the newly introduced duplicating machines.

Suddenly, five hundred copies of each of the precious treatises of the Risale-i Nur, which had previously been copied out by hand, could be produced. With the beginning of this wider circulation, that difficult life became dear to me, and I exclaimed, “Endless thanks be to Allah!”

Some time later, the hidden enemies of the Risale-i Nur could not endure its widespread circulation and incited the authorities against us. Once again, life began to grow difficult for me.

Then, suddenly, Divine assistance manifested itself.

The officials who, by virtue of their positions, were most in need of the Risale-i Nur began to study the confiscated treatises with great interest and attention. The Risale-i Nur won over their hearts, and instead of criticising it, they began to appreciate it.

Consequently, the circle of those studying the Risale-i Nur expanded considerably. This brought a hundred times more benefit than the material loss we had suffered and dispelled our anxiety and distress.

Afterwards, the hypocritical hidden enemies turned the attention of the authorities towards my person. They once again raised questions about my former political life and aroused suspicions against me among the judicial and educational authorities, the police, and the Ministry of the Interior.

Through partisan agitation and the incitements of anarchists acting under the guise of communists, these suspicions spread further. They began to subject us to pressure, arrest us, and confiscate whatever copies of the Risale-i Nur they could find. The activities of the students of the Risale-i Nur came to a standstill.

In order to discredit me personally, certain officials fabricated accusations that no one could possibly believe. They even attempted to circulate the most absurd slanders, but no one was convinced.

Then, on the flimsiest of pretexts, they arrested me during the bitterest days of winter and confined me in complete isolation for two days in a large, freezing cell without a stove.

In my little room, I had been accustomed to lighting the stove several times a day and keeping a fire constantly burning in my brazier. Yet even this had barely sufficed to sustain me in my weakness and illness.