The Eleventh Hope

After my return from captivity, I stayed with my late nephew AbdurrahmanThe nephew and devoted student of Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, who served as his assistant and secretary during his earlier years. Nursi regarded him with deep affection, almost as a spiritual son. His premature death caused Nursi profound grief and is mentioned in the Risale-i Nur. in a mansion on Çamlıca HillA prominent hill on the Asian side of Istanbul, Turkey, known for its panoramic views of the Bosphorus and the city. It is a popular destination for its scenic beauty, gardens, and historic significance. in Istanbul. From the standpoint of worldly life, that period might well be considered the happiest of my life. For I had been released from captivity, and at the Dār al-Hikmat al-Islāmiyyah“The House of Islamic Wisdom”; an Islamic scholarly institution established in Istanbul in 1918 during the late Ottoman Empire. It brought together prominent scholars to address religious questions, provide Islamic guidance, and respond to intellectual and social challenges. Bediuzzaman Said Nursi served as one of its members. I had been able to impart knowledge in a manner fully befitting my scholarly vocation. The honour and appreciation I received far exceeded what I deserved.

I was living in ÇamlıcaA historic neighbourhood and hilly area in the Üsküdar district on the Asian side of Istanbul, Turkey., the most beautiful part of Istanbul, and everything in my life seemed perfect. My late nephew AbdurrahmanThe nephew and devoted student of Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, who served as his assistant and secretary during his earlier years. Nursi regarded him with deep affection, almost as a spiritual son. His premature death caused Nursi profound grief and is mentioned in the Risale-i Nur. was with me. Exceptionally intelligent and devoted, he was at once my student, assistant, scribe, and spiritual son. While I considered myself happier than anyone else in the world, I happened one day to look in the mirror and noticed grey hairs beginning to appear in my hair and beard.

Suddenly, the same spiritual awakening I had experienced during my captivity in the mosque at KostromaA historic city in western Russia, situated on the Volga River. During the First World War, Bediuzzaman Said Nursi was held there as a prisoner of war after being captured by Russian forces. He later escaped captivity and returned to Istanbul. stirred within me once more. I began to examine the things and circumstances to which I was inwardly attached and which I had regarded as sources of worldly happiness.

Whatever I examined, I found to be transient and deceptive, unworthy of attachment.

At that time, moreover, I encountered unexpected disloyalty and unimaginable unfaithfulness in a friend whom I had considered the most faithful. I then began to feel an aversion to worldly life, and I said to my heart:

“Have I been utterly deceived? I see that many people look upon our condition with envy, though in reality it is pitiable. Have all these people lost their senses? Or am I myself losing mine, since I regard those who love the world as fools?”

In any case...

Through the powerful inner awakening brought about by old age, I first perceived the transience of all the worldly things to which I was attached. I looked at myself and saw that I was utterly powerless. Then my soul, which longed for eternity yet had become entangled in transient things under the illusion that they were everlasting, said:

“Since I myself am physically transient, what benefit can I derive from others who are equally transient? And since I am powerless, what can I expect from others who are just as powerless as I am?”

I said: “Only the Bāqī-i SarmadīAllah, the One Whose existence is eternal., the Qadīr-i AzalīAllah, whose power encompasses all things and whose existence is without beginning., can heal my afflictions.” Thus I began my search.

First, I turned to the knowledge I had acquired up to that time, seeking consolation and hope.

Alas, until then I had filled my mind with both philosophical and Islamic sciences, and I had been gravely mistaken in imagining that the philosophical sciences were a source of perfection and enlightenment. In reality, those philosophical questions had deeply polluted my soul and seriously hindered my spiritual progress.